Lessons Learned

No, this is not going to be “Eye Trouble, Part IV”, because I don’t want to define myself by that trouble any more. Things are still as they were, I am still hoping for December, full stop.

What I want to do today is think about some lessons I have learned from all of it. The obvious one being: “Don’t poke yourself in the eye”, but that is kind of a no-brainer. “Don’t let yourself get so tired that your reflexes start slowing down”, sounds a bit better. The whole thing definitely was a warning sign: If you think that neglecting sleep for weeks is something that won’t eventually catch up with you, you are wrong. Because you cannot sail along on “want to dos” and “have to dos” and “not enough hours in a day” forever. At one point the body needs rest, and it has various methods of making sure it will get it. Normally when I overstretch my boundaries I get sick, but it looks like this time I had gotten accident prone.

So that is lesson number one for me: “Take better care of your body.” (Ok, nothing really knew here, but it seems that I need to be reminded of that…)

But the most important thing I learned is how much we take things for granted. Having perfect eye-sight was something I never really appreciated. It was just as it was supposed to be. I could read for hours, sit in front of the computer almost the whole day, the worst I would get was tired. And sometimes, during winter, a bit of a dry eye from the heating air.

When Husband said “Where are my glasses” before reading the boys their bed time story, I never realised how lucky I was to just pick up a book and read. When I went to the optician with Older One to get his glasses, I did not think about how the world must be changing around him when he put them on or off.

But now, suddenly, eye-things have my attention. I ask my boy how it is for him to take off the glasses. Does he see everything blurry then? Because he did not seem to see the world blurry in the years before he got the glasses. Apparently yes, he does see blurry when he takes them off, but only for a few moments. Then his eyes focus and compensate and he can see properly again. He is long-sighted, so his eyes can adapt, but it makes him tired if he has to do it for too long. (Plus his eyes have different strengths, so the glasses also compensate for that.) But it means he can take them off for judo and still see his opponents, which is definitely a plus in this kind of sport.

My stupid right eye cannot do that trick. If I close the left one and something is too far away, it is blurry and stays blurry, and no amount of concentration on my side can change anything. (You could say I am now – hopefully only temporarily – near-sighted on one eye.)

So now I am really thankfull for my still perfect left eye, which is doing a lot of extra work these days, having to see sharply for both of them. I still hope that right one will improve further (at least I do not see does stupid circles around the lights any more, and the light sensitivity has improved a lot). Of course there is the possibilty the cornea will only heal partly, or not get thick enought, or whatever – resulting in me staying partly near-sighted. That would not be ideal, but there are a lot of worse things, so I am trying not to get to crazed out by that idea. It probably would not be the end of the world having to wear glasses for driving in the evening or so. Or for longer computer work. Many people end up wearing glasses when they get older, although there are probably not so many who are clumsy enough to injur themselves the way I did. (Plus I am not so keen on defining myself as “getting older”, but there is no question I am not getting younger either!)

Would that be lesson number three then? Stupid things happen, and sometimes they cannot be undone, but there is no point in letting them drag you down? Stop moaning about something as tiny as this and get on with your life?

Probably. Although I am not sure if I am quite ready for that one yet.

(Still hoping for the magic healing powers of my body to kick in.)

Eye Trouble – Part III

Yes, I know, this seems to be a never ending story. Believe me, I would be the one happiest if it already had ended.

But it didn’t – get much better. Maybe a bit. But when we returned from our holiday I was still wearing sun glasses most of the day, even inside. Still could not read much without a worn and burning feeling in my right eye. Still could not see sharply on that eye.

So I went back to the friendly young doctor in the hospital. She looked in my eye. Said “hmm”, which did not sound quite as optimistic as before. Then she went to fetch a collegue, and older doctor. He came in, looked into my eye, starting showing her things. He did not seem as surprised as she had been. Then he told me that basically, yes, the wound had healed, but it had grown a scar. Which was now smuggly sitting on my eye, causing all the trouble. To top it all, it was not likely it would go away by itself.

“OK…” was all I could say first. Which was a bit ridiculous, since I felt everything but ok.

The doctor then told me they could remove the scar by sort of scraping it off my cornea. Creating a new wound, in fact, but a smooth one, one that should heal better. Hopefully without any scars. He also told me that for two or three days it would not feel great, but after that it should be ok.

Well. Sort of.

To cut things short, they did remove the scar. For two days I felt like a sort of vampire, hiding from any kind of light, wearing my sun glasses even in the evening, plus a baseball cap. Light hurt. Light made my eye stream with tears. So I kept it shut most of the day. Luckily, husband could work from home, basically taking care of the boys, putting eye drops in my eye, comforting me.

From the third day on, things began to improve. After a week, the young doctor declared that the wound had closed nicely. They had put a sort of contact lens on my eye like a bandage, but that could go off now.

I was happy, my eye felt better, had definitely improved. I still could not see as sharp as before the accident, but better than before the operation, and they told me the rest would come in time.

I was happy until last night, when I woke up, opened my eye and felt a shart pain again, felt tears streaming down my face. “Not good”, I thought again.

So today I went back to the hospital. The older doctor looked in my eye and asked my why I was not wearing the bandage lens. I told him they had take it off 5 days ago. He shook is head. “No, no”, he said, “this lens needs to be replaced weekly with a new one. You will need to have one in for three months.”

Three months??? That was the first time they told me that. I guess the young doctor did not know this procedure either, otherwise she would not had taken it out. Apparently the wound had opened again last night, at least a bit. Now it was closed again, but the cornea was still very thin. The bandage lens was supposed to protect it until it has grown thick enough and has attached itself firmly onto the underlying layers. Or so I was told. If the wound keeps opening up, it would stay a weak spot, not being able to heal properly.

Great. So here we go again.

New bandage lens. New eye drops. Appointments for weekly changing of the lens. And an appointment with the doctor in four weeks time.

 

If I am lucky, my cornea has not yet decided it wants to have a weak spot.

If I am lucky, the wound will stay closed now.

If I am lucky, in December I will finally be rid of that lens and have a properly functioning right eye again.

If I am really really lucky, my eye sight will have gone back to normal then.

 

Can I be please be really really lucky???